• Shanna LoPresti, MA, MFT

Every Day is a Good Day for Love

Updated: Apr 3, 2020

As Valentine's Day approaches, we are bombarded with red and pink hearts, chocolates, balloons, teddy bears, and roses. The message is clear: buying your partner a gift will show them you love them. Many of us have heard of the 5 Love Languages - receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.

While it may be oversimplified, the ‘5 Love Languages’ do help us see that our partner may be different from us, and we need to Know them. Instead of thinking our partner feels loved the same way we do, we get to dig a little deeper and have either direct conversations or notice When they light up.

John Gottman, PhD, relationship expert who has studied couples for over 40 years has a few tips. If you want to have a successful relationship, do these things:

1. Know your partner. Spend time together as friends and as lovers. For example:

- Cook, laugh, and play together

- Be physically affectionate

- Engage in activities outside of the home, alone and with others

- Listen to your partner talk about what is meaningful in their life

- Seek to know their history and their desired future, their inner and outer life

- Express support, share excitement and pride when your partner reaches a goal

- Offer comfort when your partner has been hurt

- Create shared projects and goals

2. Recognize conflict is inevitable, and aim to start conversations softly using the following format:

- ‘I share some responsibility for this...’

- ‘here’s how I feel…’

- about a specific situation…and

- here’s what I need (not a criticism or what you don’t need)

It doesn’t have to be diplomatic, but it must be devoid of criticism or contempt

3. Cherish what you have in your partner. Let them know.

It is relatively easy to fan the flames on positive feelings when you cultivate a sense of appreciation.

- Every day, find something to appreciate your partner for, and tell them how it touches you or positively impacts you. Basically - tell your partner how your life is better with them in it.

Ex.”Thanks for greeting me with a smile when I came home. I had been feeling down, and when I saw your face, my whole body lightened up.”

Sometimes include words of affirmation around desire for each other - "You look HOT in that dress!"

Valentines Day can be a good time for a special ritual of love, and If you want to have a successful relationship, every day is a good day to show your partner that you love them.

To learn more about Shanna LoPresti visit WholeYouTherapy.com or call 415.935.0548


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